Ardal O’Hanlon: ‘I fell asleep on stage once – I could hear someone doing my material, got annoyed and woke up’

What’s the longest word you can make out of the letters A-R-D-A-L-O-H-A-N-L-O-N in 30 seconds? “Anal” springs to mind, because I was doing a show in Limerick in Ireland and the stage manager genuinely thought my name was Anal. He called me over the Tannoy [PA system]: “Could Anal please come to the stage door?” But there must be a bigger word than that. I’m usually good at Countdown. This is quite annoying. This is how I define myself – by my ability to conjure up words from random letters. Is “Nolnaholadra” a word? No. You could have had “handroll” for eight, or “nondollar” for the full nine. Of course! You play Detective Inspector Jack Mooney in Return to Paradise. What’s the closest you’ve come to being arrested? I’m generally quite a law-abiding person. I do remember, at a comedy festival in Montreux in Switzerland, myself and another comedian, Phil Kay, tried to sail across Lake Geneva on somebody else’s boat. We were caught and had to do a runner. Related: Perfume Genius: ‘I really like body hair! I like a bush. I didn’t even notice Jimmy Fallon censored mine’ Do you have a nemesis? At different times in one’s career, particularly as an actor, it’s not uncommon to have a nemesis. Every time you go for a casting, you find one specific person has been there before you and got the part. Many years ago, it was an Irish guy called Peter McDonald, who’s a really good actor. Bastard. I very much started as a standup, gravitated into sitcom, but when I started paying more attention to more dramatic acting roles, everything I went for, Peter McDonald got. He’s a friend now but, my God, I resented that man. He even turns up [as William Kenzie] in The Batman and The Penguin. What’s been your biggest onstage disaster? I fell asleep on stage once, in this legendary, raucous club called the Empire in Belfast. That was a disaster. It was early in my career. I’d been up all night at a party, got on the train to Belfast and I thought I was fine. I remember thinking I could hear someone doing my material, and getting annoyed. At which point, I woke up and I realised I was on stage. It was an out-of-body experience and quite terrifying. When I started out in comedy, I would wilfully seek out the most difficult gigs in prisons for murderers and thieves and sex offenders. In fairness, the murderers and thieves were great. It was an improv show, so you can imagine some of the suggestions. But the sex offenders I found unpleasant and unrepentant, and I don’t think I helped to rehabilitate [them] in any way. Do you still have any of Father Dougal’s knitted tank tops from Father Ted? I don’t. I regret that. There’s a tiny painting that Father Stone painted of Father Stone and Ted, which I have. Dougal wore an Elvis suit for a lookalike competition. I have that. I asked the costume designer for the tank tops, but I’ve given them away to charities over the years. It’s a pity. I like a tank top but I can’t really be seen wearing them in public. What’s been your most cringeworthy run-in with another celebrity? Van Morrison, a hero of mine, was being honoured in Dublin by Bob Geldof. There was an invited guest list of around 200 people. Van had requested a 25-piece orchestra to play his songs on the night. I was backstage, in the toilet – Van’s toilet – doing my business, when I heard this banging on the door from this very angry man, going [does extreme Irish accent]: “Who’s in my toilet? Get out of my fucking toilet.” I do love Van, but I’m very aware of his crotchety reputation. When I came out, he did vaguely recognise me, and gave me what I can only describe as a very friendly head-butt, like a rutting stag. You star in the music video for Invisible Thread by the Divine Comedy. What would you do if you were invisible for the day? Probably go into everybody’s house on my street and rearrange their shoes. Or is that creepy? You presented an Irish-language show, Inis na nIontas, on [Irish channel] TG4 in 2024, exploring the islands around the coast of Ireland. Where might you like to explore next, and in what language? Japan? But it would have to be in English. My Irish is really not that good. People come up to me on the streets of Ireland and speak to me in Irish, thinking that I’m fluent. I’ve got better Spanish than Irish. So I’d do Japan, in Spanish, with English subtitles. What’s the most out-of-date item in your fridge? During Covid, people took on various challenges and adopted new hobbies. My one nod to that was I made my own sauerkraut. It’s easy to make, but requires discipline and concentration. You shred cabbage, add salt and black peppercorns, or caraway seeds. The shredding is key. You need to shred it very finely. Then you let it ferment for up to a month. I had an ideal version of sauerkraut in my mind from a summer I spent in Germany when I was 18. When I came to eat mine, I didn’t really like it. So that’s still in my fridge, three years on. Would you rather die at the bottom of the sea or deep out into space? I’m slightly afraid of the water. I can swim, but when I was working on Death in Paradise, I almost perished in the Caribbean on two occasions. One weekend off, myself and a few people illicitly chartered a little skiff and sailed to Montserrat, about 100 miles away from Guadeloupe. It was a beautiful sunny Saturday but next morning a hurricane blew up, and 20 foot waves were washing over our tiny boat. We all thought that was it. People were praying and crying. The boat captain had lost his bearings and even he was crying. It really was a really harrowing experience. Another time, my kids had come to visit. They had gone snorkelling and were following some giant turtles out to sea. My wife and I were on the beach. She said: “I think the kids have gone out too far,” so I had to go after them. I only like swimming if I can stand on the bottom, but I could see 200 foot below me and thought: “I’m not going to make it.” So, the answer to your question in short is: space. Return to Paradise series two will start on BBC1 in the UK and ABC in Australia on 15 November. Ardal O’Hanlon: Not Himself tours the UK and Ireland until 16 November, then returns March 2026