Are You Being “Cushioned” In Your Relationship? 6 Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore

Are You Being “Cushioned” In Your Relationship? 6 Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore, Modern dating has its own vocabulary, and one of the more unsettling new terms is cushioning. It’s when someone, already in a relationship, quietly keeps other potential partners in the background — “cushions” — in case things don’t work out. It’s emotional hedging, a way to avoid the sting of heartbreak before it even happens.What makes cushioning tricky is that it often hides behind harmless-seeming behaviour: a friendly chat, a string of Instagram DMs, or a “just checking in” message from an old flame. It rarely starts with bad intentions, but over time it can become emotional cheating, leaving the other partner confused and hurt.Here are six signs that cushioning might be happening in your relationship. There’s a ‘friend’ who feels a little too close, Friendships outside a relationship are healthy, but when one person seems to take up all your partner’s attention, it can feel off. If your partner is always texting or calling someone, laughs at their messages but hides the screen from you, or seems defensive when you ask, there’s likely more emotional investment than they’re admitting. Emotional intimacy can creep in quietly, and once it replaces real connection between partners, it becomes a problem. Their social media behaviour seems too flirty, Liking every post, leaving heart emojis, or exchanging private messages with the same person can signal cushioning. Social media makes it easy to keep mini crushes alive without crossing a clear line. It’s not technically cheating, but it’s emotional reassurance — a quiet reminder that other people still find them attractive. , They dodge commitment or clarity, If your partner avoids labels or long-term plans, it might be because they’re not fully invested. Someone who’s cushioning often wants to leave the door open “just in case”. They’ll say things like “Let’s not rush” or “I’m not sure where this is going,” not because they’re confused, but because they don’t want to close off other possibilities. You sense emotional distance, You can often feel cushioning before you see it. Conversations feel surface-level, affection fades, and you start feeling like your partner is physically present but emotionally elsewhere. When someone starts leaning on another person for support or validation, the closeness in the main relationship begins to thin out—often without a clear reason why. They keep mentioning someone new, It’s normal to talk about colleagues or friends, but when one name keeps coming up—always with praise or admiration—it’s a sign to watch. Repeatedly talking about how funny or interesting someone is isn’t random. It’s usually a small confession in disguise, a way of keeping that person mentally in play. , Their energy towards you changes often, One week they’re loving and attentive, the next they’re cold or distracted. This inconsistency often mirrors what’s happening with their “cushions”. When those outside connections give them attention, they pull away; when those fade, they come running back. It’s a pattern that leaves you anxious and unsure where you stand. Why people do it?, Cushioning usually comes from fear — of rejection, loneliness, or losing control. For some, it’s about self-esteem; they want to feel desired, even if they already have someone who loves them. For others, it’s emotional self-protection: keeping options open feels safer than being fully vulnerable with one person.