Football Daily | Kevin Keegan, a Wembley toilet and why Engl...

BOG STANDARD

Toilet humour has long been the safe haven of your Daily, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and milestones, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room a little too literally, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college to use the facilities in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking round the campus like he owned the place.”

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden, beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina in this remarkable extract.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS

What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the Championship and that would be some struggle under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.

I was never lucky enough to win a mug like Padhraig Higgins (yesterday’s Football Daily letters) and had I done so, I would probably have broken it by now. If you send me one, I promise to take better care of it than I would have had I won it earlier” – Skip Koblintz.

May I suggest that Padhraig contact Noble Francis for a replacement mug. I am sure his trophy cabinet will be overflowing with cups. He could even wrap it in a scarf when posting” – Callum Taylor.

I can’t compete with Noble Francis et al, so I’ll have to be pretty direct: please may I have a mug?” – Tim Wild.

If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our letter o’ the day prize is … Callum Taylor, who gets some Football Weekly merch. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we have them, are here.

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