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Articles by Elyse Wanshel

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The U.S. Penny Is Furious Trump ‘Murdered’ It And Has 1 NSFW Word For The President
Politics

The U.S. Penny Is Furious Trump ‘Murdered’ It And Has 1 NSFW Word For The President

The penny is offering its two cents. Last week, the U.S. Mint ended production of the one cent coin in an effort to phase it out — which was a move ordered by President Donald Trump. The penny was given an opportunity to speak for itself on Wednesday’s episode of “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” regarding the situation — and let’s just say the sentient coin eventually flipped out. In the sketch, the talking penny began by taking a more sentimental approach, and reminisced about its place in American culture, which it’s been a part of for over 200 years. “I want you to remember all the good times we’ve had,” the penny began, which involved looking back on all the times it was dropped in a gumball machine, got lost under couch cushions, and when folks would say, “Lay me on a railroad track to mangle me for fun!” The penny also got mushy about people using him to play heads or tails. “Whenever you had a tough decision, you’d flip me in the air,” the penny said. “Weee! Heads: You stay with your wife. Tails: Divorce.” “I’ve been around for 232 years,” the penny continued. “But now I am dead because President Trump murdered me.” The sketch then pivoted to a scene in a theater in which the Lincoln side of the penny gets shot in the head by Trump, a la John Wilkes Booth. “It has been a pleasure to be your lucky guy,” the coin said, wrapping things up. “And before I go, I just want to say, fuck Donald Trump. And fuck nickels, too.”