Readers reply: Do good fences really make good neighbours?

They say “good fences make good neighbours”, presumably meaning that the stronger the boundary between you and people you need to deal with, the more robust the relationship. Is this really true? Jamila, via email Send new questions to nq@theguardian.com. Readers reply The original quote is from the Robert Frost poem Mending Wall and profoundly misunderstood. Instead of an argument for strong barriers and isolation from those nearby, it describes the bonds that neighbours forge and strengthen while working in tandem to repair a stone fence in the woods. The sweat and toil they share nurtures their relationship and ties to each other and their place. The quote is about the opposite of barriers. It is about sharing and engaging with your community. WarOnSanta Frost meant the opposite. He was being Ironic. Pip Strachan, Nova Scotia, by email More about the importance of acknowledging boundaries. Obviously, a fence is a clear boundary, but we have other boundaries as well which need to be respected. The poem, which meditates on the axiom, is about rebuilding a failing wall as a joint effort with his neighbour, musing on the necessity of the wall, which requires effort to maintain it, and suggesting that the repeated axiom inhibits discussion about the need for the wall. Which I guess, since this is a US citizen writing, might be asking whether the values of modern America were inferior to those of its original inhabitants? NotTheProfessor Frost’s poem Mending Wall critiques the facade of community. Fences are typically used to divide rather than to include, and thus to be a “good neighbour” is more pejorative than prescriptive. Dorkalicious The cost of solar panels has fallen so dramatically in mainland Europe that building fences out of solar panels is now as cost effective as buying fence panels. So good fences make cheap electricity! Randomusername222 The fence has nothing to do with it. If you have reasonable people as neighbours, you’ll find a way no matter the fence. If one neighbour is impossible, they’ll find a way no matter the fence. NoahDeere I used to deal with neighbour disputes. There were some where boundaries had been removed and they were nearly impossible to resolve. As in relationships, physical boundaries are very important and if not held, they can be extremely difficult to re-establish. hutchmeup My memory of 60 years ago, in Moordown, Bournemouth, was that every garden in our long road was more than adequately separated by a hedge, full length, both sides. Animals crept underneath, and birds nested within. Enough said. Dinnerthief Ha, an interesting one for a naturist … we have neighbours on either side who can, with very slight effort, see into our garden. I’ve asked over the years if they want more screening because of the summertime nudity and they both said independently they couldn’t care less. NickEM I have a fully enclosed backyard, so when I get workpersons in I have to ask my neighbours’ permission to take down a section of the fence (that I’ve erected) so they can access my garden. They always agree without hesitation. So good fences don’t necessarily make good neighbours but they don’t damage good relations. jno50 In the US, we have a term for fences that are a response to neighbours that tend towards the latter – a “spite fence”. PorkRoll Related: Readers reply: Why do we feel nostalgia? A good high hedge is even better. Privacy and nature at the same time. LorLala We have 12 sets of neighbours and fences everywhere. With some neighbours, we’ve had gates put in to facilitate contact. One set of neighbours are now like family – that fence has been demolished, and we share gardens and chickens, and we wander in and out of each other’s property at will. DeborahNZ Perhaps we’re taking this too literally. I believe it’s an old saying that means mind your own business. Nobody wants nosy neighbours. BobbiCoulter Absolutely, good fences are important. Privacy is important, and drapes can be rather irritating. Lilysmiles The American program currently showing on Netflix The Perfect Neighbor is a good argument for suburban fences. Quite a bit of violence occurs after long-simmering neighbourhood fights. Fences that you can gossip over with a friendly person or else duck behind to avoid an aggressive person can assist with this. Margaret Ranger, by email When you have neighbours like ours – endless, ugly extensions to their property, concreted garden filled with debris from previous “improvements” – good, ie high, fences, are all that keep you sane. Chris, by email