You be the judge: should my partner stop compressing the coffee in the moka pot?

The prosecution: Lucia Hamad’s method isn’t the way it’s supposed to be done. I’m Italian – I know all about good coffee Hamad and I have been together for a year and a half, and this issue began when he started making coffee in my flat with the moka pot – the iconic, eight-sided stove-top coffee maker that brews espresso-style coffee. Every time Hamad uses it, he will pack the coffee grounds down tightly, which you shouldn’t do, as the pot will start hissing. The moka pot was invented in Italy, where I grew up, and there it is taboo to compress the coffee grounds. Hamad did a barista course and likes to say that he knows more about coffee than me. But the course didn’t teach him about moka pots and traditional methods. He learned how to use modern coffee machines in cafes, where you have to compress coffee grounds. But I’ve been making coffee since I was nine and I don’t need a course to tell me how to use a moka pot. He turned it into a socio-political issue. He’s from India, and said ‘Italians aren’t the only ones who make coffee’ One of the first things you learn as a child in Italy is that you’re supposed to let some air into a moka pot – pressing down the coffee grounds creates the opposite effect. The coffee sometimes spills out with Hamad’s method, but when I make coffee that doesn’t happen, which shows you my technique is the right one. I told him to stop, but he turned it into a socio-political issue. He’s from India, and said: “Italians aren’t the only ones who make coffee,” and “traditions can be changed.” But to me, it’s also a matter of safety. He compresses the coffee grounds so tightly that pressure builds up, and the machine starts hissing loudly. I don’t think it would explode, but it could damage the pot. Also my son, Noah, who is 11, has started copying Hamad. It’s annoying because I taught Noah the proper technique: to let air into the container before gently putting the coffee in and heating it up very slowly to enhance the flavour. But now Noah wants to make coffee Hamad’s way. I never critique Hamad’s other methods. I am happy with the results when he makes coffee using a filter or coffee machine. We both like strong coffee – it’s just with the Italian moka pot you have to follow the rules, and he won’t do that. The defence: Hamad Pressing down the grounds improves the flavour. Lucia is just being a coffee snob Yes, Lucia’s moka pot makes a hissing noise, but that’s not normal and it’s not my fault. I have my own pot in my flat and whenever I compress the coffee grounds down, it is fine and doesn’t hiss. Pushing the grounds down makes coffee taste much better. I don’t know why it annoys Lucia so much. I just did a barista course, and despite Lucia saying it’s not relevant to this style of coffee-making, I learned that if you want a stronger-tasting coffee you need more pressure. So that’s my reasoning behind compressing the coffee in the moka pot slightly. It’s simple physics. She even asked all her Italian friends what they thought of my technique. She sent a video of me pressing down the coffee grounds to her group chat Different parts of the world have different coffee-making techniques, but Lucia thinks her method is the best. She even asked all her Italian friends what they thought of my technique. She sent a video of me pressing down the coffee grounds to her group chat. They are all food fascists, so of course they said what I was doing was blasphemous, but that’s just because I don’t conform to Italian norms. I am from south India, where we make coffee with filters – and the more you press down on the grounds, the better the taste. I was trying to recreate something similar with the moka pot. I didn’t teach Noah my method on purpose, but he liked seeing the steam coming out of the pot and wanted to know about the whole ritual. It’s interesting to watch the steam in my opinion, but I’m indifferent to the hissing noise. What’s important is the quality of the coffee. Right now, Lucia and I are travelling together, and I’m making filter coffee, so we aren’t arguing. However, there is no proof that pressing on the grounds makes it worse. Although I do think Lucia is better at making Italian coffee. But I don’t like being told my method is incorrect, and I don’t like it when she tries to get support from food fascists. If you have to use groupthink to prove your point, it means your argument is weak. I will continue making good coffee, and If I want to press down in the moka pot, then I will. The jury of Guardian readers Is Hamad making a moka-ry of the situation? Why doesn’t Hamad just let Lucia’s culinary philosophy rule and follow her method? If he insists on pressing down the coffee, he should get a new machine and use that – not hers! Although I wonder, is the coffee the real issue? It may be that Lucia is annoyed with Hamad about something else and is using the coffee issue to vent.Belinda, 64 It’s the sort of slovenly micro-obsession you develop when life is otherwise fine, symptomatic of a wider malaise of self-obsession and the decline of the west. The only way out of this is to bin the moka and have a lovely cup of weak tea.Dan, 35 Hamad should use the device how it is intended to be used. If the consensus is it needs air to filter properly, that’s what he should do. It’s important to Lucia, so why mess around?Liam, 35 Explosions of moka pots aren’t common, but they have been documented. Hamad’s patronising aside about it being “simple physics” shows he doesn’t actually understand the physics and is classic mansplaining. Laura, 34 Why can’t Hamad get his way, some of the time? I highly doubt the machine is going to explode. People are probably doing this all over the world – millions of mokas are being overstuffed as you read this ... and there’s no epidemic of exploding pots. So why worry?Joshua, 51 Now you be the judge In our online poll, tell us: should Hamad wake up and smell the coffee? The poll closes on Wednesday 3 December at 9am GMT The results of the previous YBTJ We asked if Dave should leave his home comforts behind when he travels abroad, as his girlfriend would like. 15% of you said yes – Dave is guilty 85% of you said no – Dave is not guilty